randomness

Honing My Journaling Skillz

I’ve been bringing a spiral-bound sketch notebook to work in my purse, so that if I opt not to read my book, or if I have a brainstorm, I can sit in the breakroom or outside at the picnic table and write. I have yet to decide whether it’s had sort of the William Gibson blogging vs. writing effect:

I?ve found blogging to be a low-impact activity, mildly narcotic and mostly quite convivial, but the thing I?ve most enjoyed about it is how it never fails to underline the fact that if I?m doing this I?m definitely not writing a novel ? that is, if I?m still blogging, I?m definitely still on vacation. I?ve always known, somehow, that it would get in the way of writing fiction, and that I wouldn?t want to be trying to do both at once. The image that comes most readily to mind is that of a kettle failing to boil because the lid?s been left off.

Or, perhaps, my daily longhand journaling has helped me focus my thoughts and write more coherent entries—like practicing for a performance. I find that I write things there that I really couldn’t write here: naming names, for instance, or talking about my poop cramps, or just generally complaining about how tired or bored I am during the day. These things may or may not be interesting even to my closest friends, and may or may not get me into trouble if the wrong people read them.

*flipping through recent writing*

OK, here’s a sample of today’s longhand journal entry:

17 September 2004 | 10:33am
Sky Bank Arrowhead Service Center Break Room

I’m in a particularly foul mood today, and I’m not sure why. I know I’m tired, and part of me resents being here when a third of the department is off today. I can tell I’m still unreasonably pissed about [work event deleted]—but that was two days ago. I should be over it by now. I’m also kinda hungry, and munching on my sugar-free wafers isn’t doing much to help that. And I’m pissed off at myself for being ignorant about things, and having to ask questions in the first place. Which is asinine—how am I to know things I just don’t know? I have to ask to learn. I still hate having to bug people—because I know I am.

In general daily news, I still haven’t gotten an e-mail about my lomo photos from Snapfish, and I still haven’t gotten my gift certificate e-mail from Sky. *tired sneer*

the ongoing saga of my job

Not Blogging About Work… Nope.

I’ve heard too many stories about people who lost or almost-lost their jobs from blogging about work. I will not fall into said trap.

Instead, I will carefully avoid it by speaking in generalities and not mentioning any names.

I know I shouldn’t, but I hate it when I have to ask questions simply because I’m ignorant of a thing. Not because it’s a stumper, not because it’s complex, and not because I need a second opinion. I know, it’s no fault of my own that I’m ignorant, but still. Even more than that, I hate having to choose who I’m going to ask, given a selection of various potential gurus or wanna-be-gurus.

First, and most pleasant, are the people who are always kind and polite and stop what they’re doing to answer your question fully. These are in the minority. Then there are the people who don’t look particularly annoyed, and they give you their full attention, but you get the vibe that they wish you hadn’t come to ask them. Maybe they even put on the obviously-false politeness that’s so grating.

Next are those who very grudgingly answer your questions and make you feel inferior for having had to ask. These people tend to cross-examine the questioner, knowing full well that said questioner doesn’t know his or her ass from a hole in the ground at this point, and further queries are simply confounding the matter. In extreme cases, these people will just have the questioner turn possession of the question over to them for a solution instead of answering the question at all.

Finally, and I didn’t run into this until recently, are those who flatly refuse to answer your question, and request that you ask someone else. Granted, these people are generally overworked and pulled in several directions at once, but having the experience of being denied help entirely—not just put off—is a little demeaning.

In actual work-related news, I still haven’t gotten my giftcertificates.com e-mail from Sky yet. That’s annoying, because I’ve got it spent in my head: a Hauppauge WinTV PVR video capture card, an Epson Stylus R200 photo printer, and a Carlo Robelli acoustic-electric guitar. All from Amazon, of course. 🙂

health & fitness 2 Comments

One Year and Fifty Pounds Ago

…I looked like this:

diana at the dayton air show, 19 july 2003

A year before that, even, I was saying things like this:

26 September 2002:

I really have gained a lot of weight. I realized this as I looked down at my shadow before me. Then I realized that my arms touch my sides when I walk. Not just at my hips, not just my armpits, and not just my boobs. My entire side. This was somehow more disturbing to me than my recent discovery of a “gut flap.” It only strengthened my resolve to somehow lose 45 pounds…

Today, I’m feeling so much better than I did back then. I know I still have a little ways to go to reach my weight and fitness goals, but being back to the weight I was in high school and early college makes me feel so much better about myself. I haven’t lost any major weight in a while, as I’m stabilizing at my new, healthier weight, so I’m not quite as giddy about my weight-loss as I was, say, in October or November.

I took this self-portrait in July, when I weighed only two pounds more than I do today.

I have collarbones! Holy shit! When did that happen? I also have ample space between my waist and my elbows, and the hideous “gut flap” mentioned above has thankfully shrunk down to a mere crease. I can’t imagine what I’ll look and feel like in another 25 pounds or so.

randomness

Time For Bed

I hate it when I get to this point in the evening. I feel like if I go to bed now, I would be giving up some quality time, and would just bring myself a few hours closer to going to work again—but I’m really too tired to do anything useful.