It’s really weird to come across someone’s images folder and surf through it. (Caution: Some adult content. Some disturbing content. Some random content in Italian.)
Growing Up
Oh my goodness. My little cousin Michael is an adult now, and has been for some time. He’ll be 20 in October. Wow.
I never had a real sibling growing up, so back then, Michael was the closest thing I had to a brother. He’s eight years younger than me, and has some psychological/behavioral issues—so, although I always loved and respected him, it wasn’t until he was well into his teens that I felt I could connect with him in a “grown-up” way.
Of course, after Mom married my first stepdad, I had two stepsisters and two stepbrothers, but only felt even remotely close to my one stepsister, Dawn, who was two years older than me. And once I was in college, Mom married Gary, at which point I got Philip as a stepbrother. He’s two years younger than Michael, but more socially well-adjusted. (Well, maybe I should just say he’s not autistic like Michael and leave it at that.)
Anyway, I didn’t really have the same kind of relationship with any of my step-siblings like I did with Michael, because I never really lived with them. I only lived with Michael until he was about four, but after Mom married Tom and we moved out, we still came over to visit every Sunday after church, and sometimes during the week. Then, when Mom divorced Tom, we moved back into the same apartment complex and would see or talk to the rest of the family multiple times a week. We were really a close family back then.
Now, look at us. Mom and Gary in Parma, me in Toledo, Sammie with her significant other in South Carolina, Michael nearby in a boys’ home, Memaw dead and gone, and none of us really keeping in touch very much—except when Mom and I talk every now and then, and visit on holidays and special occasions. There’s something kind of sad about that.
But I’ve strayed from my point, which was how much my little cousin Michael has grown. My goodness.
*shakes head*
Carpe Diem
I would now like to apologize for being such a damn whiner in my last post.
I spent some quality time surfing around Tomato Nation and reading random long-forgotten personal sites in my bookmarks. Ended up reading Eric Schroeder’s blog, and got an earful (screenful?) of what I needed:
its that time of the year again: time to LIVE. that’s right, no more of this crap i’m doing now. you’ve heard the arguments before, but i’ll present them again:
make it a day. why? today’s not just any day. some people get married today. some people die. some have their first child. imagine having your firstborn son or daughter today! you’d always, always remember it as one of the happiest days of your life. so the fact that you’re probably not having your first child today doesn’t mean that you can’t make today one of the most memorable and happy days of your life.
so live for it. don’t let it pass you by. what can you say you did today? sit in an office, talk on IM, is that all? some people died today. and they don’t have ‘today’ any more. sometimes i feel like i need to seize and take hold of today just out of respect for those who can’t.
so make it a day. do something great. look at a calendar and know that you lived life to the fullest each day. don’t fake your way through life. don’t eek your way through life either. take it, grab hold, and live it.
So, enough whining. I have a kitty on my lap, music on my WinAmp, and friends on IM. All is right with the world.
Feh.
I don’t know what my problem is. I feel all blah. To be a little more specific, I feel extremely bored and disconnected. I think my attempt at marathon websurfing is my brain trying to combat my disconnectedness.
FYI, my definition of “bored” isn’t necessarily “there’s nothing to do,” but more of “nothing I can think of sounds good.” I mean, I could go make some candles, or I could put my clothes away, or I could exercise or practice my mellophone, or I could try to find something on TV. I could even go eat. But none of that sounds good.
I feel physically bleh, too, which isn’t helping. Either the Slim-Fast low-carb snack bars or the sugar-free Halls cough drop I had at work today acted (as promised) with a “laxative effect” —eww. Actually, it’s more of a grumbly-gassy-slightly-queasy effect for me during the day, culminating in said final effect upon arrival home after work. On top of that, my lower back’s been all funky and feeling out-of-place for the past couple of days (and nights); and, of course, once I got that all stretched out and cracked and popped and what-have-you, my left ankle / heel / Achilles tendon started feeling all funky and tight and making me limp. I have no clue what I did to make it do that. And the back of my neck/shoulder hurts, too, like something’s grinding wrong. Oh, and don’t forget the band-aids on my right thumb and left toe where I’m trying to finally stanch the wart epidemic I’ve been experiencing. (Don’t worry, they’re common warts. Says so on the Compound W box.)
Am I a freaking wreck, or what?
I’m gonna go find something to do. Hopefully. Blah. *sigh*
I Need More Reading Material
There’s something pathetic about this. I just spent an hour surfing off of strangers’ blogs and websites, looking for some new daily online reading material. I have about three friends who update their blogs regularly, and a couple strangers whose blogs/sites I find interesting. But I need… newness.
I enjoy being a bit of an online voyeur, reading about strangers’ lives and tribulations and what-have-you—but only if said strangers have interesting web design skillz and the capability to write a coherent paragraph. This counts out anyone under the age of 19 (for the most part), anyone who regularly types in 1337 (that’s “leet” for you non-geek-o-philes), or who uses “u r” or “cuz” or “wuz” or any such thing.
Strangers’ sites I’ve located today (or previously) that I enjoy reading:
+ Maniacal Rage
+ etherf@rm
+ Authentic Boredom
And… um… that’s it. I require more intellectual stimulus. Gah.