ruminations

Do me a favor

Hey. If enough people click through my site to Bob’s site, I might show up on his SiteMeter stats, and not have to beg him for a link. After all, I already begged him for a new album and a trip to Detroit.

later…
I was going to go to bed early, for once. Instead, I got it in my head to try to write what I’ve been thinking for the past week or so.

I’m not usually one to go on "life’s not fair" rants, but I’ve really been feeling cheated. Not by what you might think. I’m not upset that I’m not using my degree in my job, or any of the other myriad of things I’ve bitched about in the past. No, this is deeper than that.

I feel cheated out of time I should have had with people who are now dead. Not so much Memaw, because she was older — 70 isn’t exactly ripe old age, but not so young that I feel cheated out of quality years. Although I do wish she could have lived to see her great-grandbabies (though heaven knows when that will ever happen, anyway. I’m in no hurry).

No, I feel cheated that my stepdad, Tom, never got to meet Aaron. I feel cheated that I never got to meet Aaron’s Mom, especially since it really sounds like we would have gotten along. Plus, we share a birthday. How cool is that?

But, on top of all of this, I feel cheated by my lack of faith. After watching Memaw deteriorate like she did, I’ve come to realize how connected the mind and body are. I used to think that once the body died, the soul/consciousness would ooze out into whatever Tao or Force or Heaven or Collective Consciousness that exists, and perhaps retain some of the personality that person had developed during their life, depending upon how strong that personality was. But now… I don’t know. Memaw just wasn’t there. It was some fragmented, decrepit bastardization of who she used to be. The person she was, wasn’t really there anymore — only in brief sparks and flashes of wit and that occasional look in her eyes.

My step-Gary believes that, when you die, your soul simply sleeps until the Resurrection. You don’t know anything until you rise again, and it will be like no time has passed. While I don’t believe in the Second Coming or the Resurrection or any of that anymore, I do wonder if death is like sleep. Except… if you never wake, what do you have to compare your sleep against? If your consciousness never manifests again after your body dies… then how do you know you’re dead?

Weird stuff. At any rate, I’ve been having what Mom would call "Memaw moments," where I just sit at work and faze out for a few seconds, just thinking about her—except I think about Memaw, and Granny, and Tom, and Aaron’s Mom, who I never met. And I reflect on how unfair it is that all they were, and all they knew, is gone.

randomness

Curious about loose ends?

Curious about the rest of my personality quiz? Here ya go:

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 64%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 62%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||| 46%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||| 44%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 70%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 45%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||| 21%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 26%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 58%

Your Conscious-Surface type is 5w6
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 3w2

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Curious about how my fan mail to Bob Mould was received? (Hell, most of you probably don’t even know who Bob Mould is.) Anyway, here ya go:

Diana,

Thanks for the kind words. The next record will more than satisfy the older fans – it’s a guitar record.

I hope to be back in Detroit later this year. New album will probably be in August, with a Fall ’04 tour to follow.

Regards,
Bob Mould

*keeping my ear to the ground*

randomness

Just a Quick Note

If you thought dissecting fetal pigs in High School was gross, be glad this guy didn’t come to Show And Tell.

later: another note
I’m not going to read any more of the Xangas that Garza is subscribed to. That much God makes me violently ill. Case in point:

I was blessed enough to attend a wedding in which two people not only loved each other, but loved God so much that you could feel His very annointing in the room. It really touched me to see that in a world for material love, that true love still exists–and it can easily be found through Christ.

I’m sorry, but… *yarf*

I’m insensitive, I know… and I’m sure I must have been like that when I was a teen… I remember feeling like that at times… but, well… I’ll just shut up about it now, I guess, before I get myself in trouble.

By the way, this couple’s first kiss ever was at the altar. I’m still trying to decide whether the wedding night was:

 a.) make-out time and too scared/apprehensive for actual sex,
 b.) super-horny pent-up sex, or
 c.) makin’-babies-like-the-bible-says sex. Or possibly:
 d.) beautiful, non-conception-related married sex… which, FYI, is pretty damn cool. 🙂

One more thing. Can I state for the record, please, that Aaron has been my ONLY sexual partner. Despite what Brother Jed might say (where’s he been, anyway?), if there is a hell, I am not destined for it solely because my ONE lifetime partner and I deflowered one another several years before our wedding night.

So there. I’m done being righteously indignant… for now.

still later…
I just found Bob Mould’s blog. And wrote him an e-mail:

 

I’m always afraid that a letter from me, as a fan, to one of my favorite artists will come off as hero worship. That’s why I usually don’t take advantage of all those little e-mail links on their pages, when I do find them. But tonight I figured, what the heck. I just found your blog, and you seem pretty accessible after such a read. I don’t really have much to say, I thought, and it won’t take long for Bob to hit delete… 🙂

First… please, come back to Detroit. (I live in Toledo, but no one wants to come here, and I don’t blame them.) I and those who first introduced me to your music would love to hear you play an acoustic set at St. Andrew’s. We saw you there back in… 1998? …with the Last Dog and Pony Band, and have wished for another show ever since. We’d probably even take a day off of work to drive up for a weeknight show, if we had to.

Second… although I am not a fan of your new musical stylings, I respect the fact that you’re trying new genres that you enjoy. A lot of artists wouldn’t (and don’t) have the balls to try something new, but you did, and gained a new fan base at that. And you’re having fun with it, and that’s all that really matters.

That’s it. Nothing you haven’t heard before, I’m sure.

Thanks for listening.

P.S. – wasn’t there another, less techno, more acoustic album planned for release? We’ve been waiting for that for some time now… we hanker for some new, non-techno Bob.

I feel like a little bit of a dork, but WTF. It’s sent now. I’m curious as to whether I’ll actually get a reply. He seems like the kind that just might.

house

(Not Quite) House Hunting

Sometimes, being a girl sucks. I’ll just leave it at that, and let you draw your own conclusions.

Had a nice long meeting with John from NOIC on Saturday. He explained a lot of the finer points of mortgages and first-time home buying that we really hadn’t known. Quite helpful.

John pulled our true credit report this morning, and called me at work about some stuff on Aaron’s. Seems that the bills he paid off through Consumer Credit Counseling Services way back in 2001 are still showing up as outstanding judgements. WTF? So, today was spent calling credit places and attorneys (on Aaron’s part) and calling John for information (on my part). Much more calling was done by Aaron than by me, though.

So, we have to fax John our W2’s for the past two years, and proof that the judgements were settled, once Aaron gets that proof. Eventually. Once Sears and Great Lakes Higher Education get back to him with detailed info.

I should have known it couldn’t be that easy. Blah. If John strings us along like Dan the Mortgage Man, I’m going to be sincerely pissed. I don’t think he will, though, since he’s paid by commission. 🙂

I’m going to go curl up in the recliner now and spend some quality time with my cramps.

health & fitness, house, randomness

Murfle

I’m not entirely convinced that anybody gives a crap about what I do day-to-day. I jot down notes at work when I think of things to bring up on my blog later that evening, then sometimes I look at some of those notes and think, “Who gives a fuck?”

I think I’ll just attribute my cynicism to being tired and bored, and I’ll just move on.

Anyone into web comics has probably already discovered Something Positive. As for me, though, I’ve spent the past two evenings reading the S*P archives. About three years’ worth. I found myself wishing for a printed comic after a while — still do, actually, since I’m only caught up to July 2002, I think.

set choo-choo as your buddy icon! murr!My favorite character so far is Choo-Choo Bear, the 25-year-old kitty cat with “a bone disease that makes him extra huggable”—basically, he’s an elastic kitty. Many great gags ensue. So lovable, and so, so cute. So cute, in fact, that I made myself a new IM Buddy Icon out of him. Murfle!

Tomorrow’s the big day, when we head up to Sylvania to see if we can get a home loan. Last time we tried this with Sky Bank, Dan the Mortgage Man strung us along for a week before he told us that I hadn’t worked for Sky long enough. …Come to think of it, we tried to go to Sky for a car loan first, too, and got smacked down; but we got it the second time, when we did our financing through the Kia dealership. Maybe the second try will do it for us with a mortgage loan, too, this time with NOIC. We can only hope. As much as I’m not thrilled about moving again… *looks around at mess* I really have a hankerin’ for a house.

Worked out with my weights some more yesterday. Didn’t work my pecs… or didn’t mean to, anyway. Managed to make the rest of my upper arms, shoulders, and back mildly muscle-sore, while making my pecs oh-so-stiff. Oh, yeah, and there’s a muscle down the outside of my right arm, from around my elbow to the outside of my wrist, that makes typing quite the joy. I hope I didn’t mess with my whatever-I-have-wrong-with-my-wrists.

I’m bored. I need to pack up eBay stuff to send out tomorrow morning. And I have to take another crap.