I Don’t Care But I Do

Me and my spare tire after kickboxing class

I actually laughed during class, when we were rocking some quick V-steps and I noticed that my entire midsection was shaking like a bowl full of Jell-O.

I seriously found it funny. I didn’t care.

What I did care about was the fact that I barely modified any moves at all like I usually do, to protect my back. My core is strong enough to keep me from hurting myself.

I also cared that my foot was pointed sideways on the side kicks, and that my jabs were quick and full-motion — all the way out and all the way back to my face.

I didn’t care that I was apparently exhaling too audibly during a few moves, when the resident ex-dancer gave me the stink-eye. She’s lucky I didn’t actually kiai out loud: THAT would have turned some heads.

I didn’t care about my spare tire. Finally.

 

Krav Maga

Sporting a white belt!

It all started when… well, technically, I guess it all started when Connor started karate classes. My own martial arts journey re-started when I finally couldn’t take it any longer — I wanted to play, too! — and asked Mr. Turner if he also taught an adult beginner karate class.

Not exactly…

I signed up for the Krav Maga class in June, and started out taking one class per week. The years-ago experience of aikido class made me wary of jumping in with both feet right away. As it turns out, learning Krav Maga is a lot less taxing to my vestibular system than learning aikido — not nearly as much rolling and falling down. There will be some rolling and throwing eventually, but at least now I have motion-sickness patches!

So, what in the world is Krav Maga, anyway?

Glad you asked.

Krav Maga is the martial art practiced by the Israeli military, and translates to Contact Combat. It’s essentially a combination of multiple martial arts— karate, jiu jitsu, aikido, etc. — that together create a practical, effective means of escaping and neutralizing an attacker.

It’s some seriously kick-ass self-defense. It’s also a great workout.

Now, back when I started aikido, I’d blog about my injuries on a weekly basis: pulling my groin, getting mat burn on my knees and feet, feeling unwell due to motion sickness from rolling over and over… and my Mom pointed out to me over the phone that I wasn’t getting any younger, and maybe all my injuries were a sign I should quit. I finally did quit, after a year of training and after earning my first rank. Oddly enough, I don’t think I have any photos of me in my newly-earned hakama, although I do still have it stowed away in the attic.

After a month or so of Krav Maga, I have no thoughts of quitting. It’s too fun! It’s a great workout, like I mentioned, and it takes me out of my comfort zone in a different way than aikido did. I feel less lost, and more like mastery is just outside my reach, rather than completely out of reach.

That’s not to say that I haven’t had some injuries. During my first real class, I repeatedly round-kicked with the top of my foot (instead of my shin) so hard that I busted a blood vessel and gave myself a straight-up hematoma. I totally bypassed the bruise stage and went straight to “Miss Dennis, should the top of my foot be swollen up like this so soon after class?”

Apart from that, though, no problems.

This quarter, we’re learning one strike set and a self-defense maneuver to escape a headlock (and subsequently beat the crap out of the attacker). On Wednesday, we practiced the headlock maneuver by getting repeatedly head-locked by our classmates, round-robin style, fast-paced, no breaks.

This is so fun.

 

Damn, I’m Tired.

Sleepy selfie outside

Thought maybe some sunshine would perk me up, but no dice. I suspect my constant fatigue may be related to upping my dosage of Prozac — I’ll give it some more time, then give my doctor a heads-up if I don’t feel a boost after the long holiday weekend.

Action Plan

I reached a new “oh shit” weight this morning.

190 pounds.

I’m 5’9” tall, so that keeps me firmly in the “overweight” BMI category, and gives me a solid 20 pounds to lose to get back to that elusive “healthy” weight range that I saw once, a few years back — and 30 until I reach my goal weight.

Time to return to “Why Did I Eat That,” which I can only examine because I returned to tracking daily.

Stacked bar graph of my daily WW points by meal

Action plan:

Return to the ritual Closing of the Kitchen. That means either filling or emptying the dishwasher, packing lunches for the next day, wiping down the sink and countertops, and making myself a tea and possibly a final dessert of yogurt with healthy toppings.

Get back to ordering Americanos at the Bux instead of trying new drinks before I know how many Points (calories/sugar/fat grams) they contain.

Pack lunch three days out of the week. Only buy lunch out twice during the work week.

Finally: I’m not going to get down on myself. I’m not going to wear the clothes that don’t currently fit me, knowing that I’ll feel worse in them. I’m going to continue tracking and being active.

I’m not going to delude myself that a) this weight will melt off like butter or b) I’ll never reach my goal. Either side is a delusion. Instead, I’m going to work at fueling myself properly, paying attention to how different foods affect me physically, and following the WW plan (since that’s the plan I’ve chosen to follow).

Constant vigilance! I’ve got this. No worries.

Positive Energy

Today, two different people from two completely different aspects of my life told me that I have a “positive energy” about me.

My knee-jerk reaction was to make a snide comment in my head about how I must have everyone fooled. But if two different people both see it — one at work, one at karate — maybe I’m just not seeing myself as others see me.

Truth be told, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face during my second-ever Krav Maga class tonight… even when I gave myself a wicked bruise on the top of my foot from doing round kicks, or when I couldn’t quite figure out how to leverage myself to spin around on the floor after blocking a stomp to the face. So, yeah, I’m having fun. Positive energy.

It’s the guy from work who confuses me with his claim that I exude positive energy. Sure, I make a point to be pleasant in my interactions with others, and I’m a little irreverent by nature… but I don’t exactly see myself as the person who lights up a room when I walk in, or who people gravitate toward, or anything like that.

I guess I really just don’t — can’t — see myself as others see me. If the persona I’m showing is one with positive energy, though, I’ll take it.