dianaschnuth

I turned in my mellophone after last night’s Lakeshoremen Open House.

There were several reasons I decided not to march in 2006, but the membership was definitely not one of those reasons. Everyone was supportive of my decision, and they all seemed to understand, but they really didn’t want me to go. Kemo tried to convince me to attend a few early rehearsals, so we’d have an easier time recruiting mellos, and Ann and Mona kept asking if I’d changed my mind yet.

Really, though, after two years (winter, spring, and summer) of driving to Michigan every other weekend, I’m finding that I’d rather enjoy my weekends with my husband instead. Maybe we can be social sometimes, instead of cramming all our chores and laundry and shopping into one day. Maybe attend some of the weekend-long anime conventions we had to pass on last year. Yes, this is a bit of a selfish decision, I suppose — but this is the time to be selfish, before Aaron and I start a family.

I felt a little more secure about leaving the mello line after seeing the new talent, though. Amber’s returning, and there’s two or three new mellos (depending on whether Courtney ends up being drum major); so, even with me leaving and Duane opting to focus on writing and cleaning drill instead of marching, there’s still a solid core of three or four strong mellos (assuming we don’t scare any of them off). The goal for 2006 is five mellos, so we’re well on our way.

I was pleasantly surprised at not only the number of new people at the Open House, but also at the quality of the overall sound we produced. LSM just keeps getting better and better earlier and earlier every year. The hornline had 19 returning and prospective members total, and there are still a few returning members who couldn’t make the Open House. I think that, if everyone does their part with recruiting, we’ll fill out the hornline this year with no problem. Three tubas (or contras, if you prefer), five mellos, ten baris and ten trumpets (or sopranos, again, if you’re old-school). I think we can do it.

And, yes, I still say “we” because I’m still involved with LSM, despite my not marching. I’m still the webmaster, and I’m still a member at-large of the Board of Directors. (That said, anything I state on my personal site should not by any means be construed to be the official word of the Lakeshoremen. Check lakeshoremen.org for official news.)

It’s like Dan said:

Once you grow up and move on, it’s nice to actually MOVE ON. If you have something positive in your life to devote your attention to, why spend your time and energy on a chapter that is admittedly closed? The glory days of youthful summers are gone, but the heady days of mature summer can kick just as much ass, though in a different way.

I say you can give back to drum corps any way you want, but explore the next chapter of life with the same enthusiasm with which you explored your youth.

As much as I hate to let go of performing, I think I have to agree.

Here’s the thing.

This past summer, I was waffling weekly about whether I wanted to march drum corps in 2006. I would be getting ready to drive the hour and a half up to a “camp” (aka six-hour-long rehearsal), or to a parade, or to a carpool site before a weekend trip, and I’d be absolutely positive that, no, I’m not doing this next year.

Then I’d arrive at said rehearsal or performance and wonder how I could possibly think to give this up. Not once would I contemplate what was going on at home, or the opportunity cost of marching drum corps. I was berating myself for not practicing more at home, and concentrating on my own personal performance at the moment. That’s what corps is all about: focusing on a common goal, working toward a vision, doing my best not to be the weakest link.

Now that I’ve had some time away from it, though, I’ve been thinking about my reasons for wanting to march next year, and I’m finding them weaker than I’d previously thought.

First, I wanted to be a part of the very first competitive Lakeshoremen season. Since our debut at DCA was unexpectedly upgraded from mini-corps to Class A corps, though, I *was* a part of the LSM competitive debut. And we did well. We didn’t come in last — in fact, we were quite near the middle of the pack. I even had my very own little mellophone solo (not actually a solo, per se, but a good measure or so where you can hear my very own countermelody line over the rest of the corps).

Second, I was under the impression that I’d be very interested in playing whatever music we ended up playing in 2006. Several ideas were bandied about at the end of the 2005 season, but I was particularly underwhelmed with the near-final song selection that was played at the banquet earlier this month. I could really care less about playing that music. No disrespect to the show design team, of course. It just was a total turnaround from the ideas that had been shared late in the 2005 season. So, the musical selection isn’t such a pull factor anymore.

Third, and most importantly, I had wanted to march one more season of drum corps before Aaron and I decide to start a family. One more summer of selfish indulgence in what *I* want to do. Because, after we decide to pop out our progeny, the selfish days are over. Now that I think about it, though… wouldn’t I rather spend my possibly-final childless summer with my husband? Not in a car driving to Michigan every other weekend? Or more? I think I’d rather go to anime conventions and on vacation and hit garage sales and go thrifting and do all the things that my drum corps activity curtailed last summer.

I might turn in my mellophone at the Open House next month.

I’m still an at-large member of the Board of Directors, and I’m still webmaster. I’d also like to take some photos for the corps, for PR and for the website. I want to stay involved. But not at the expense of my family, or my relationship with my husband.

I think I’ve convinced myself. But what do you think?

I’m leaving tomorrow evening after work to head off to the Drum Corps Associates finals in Scranton PA. Rehearsal is on Friday, with a brass ensemble performance that evening. Saturday we rehearse some more, and head out to the stadium in the early evening for our competitive debut.

Deep down, I’m nervous and excited… but I’m having one of those *meh* sort of days today, so I’m not excited about it right this moment. I’m feeling like I wish I could spend the long weekend with my husband instead. I feel like I haven’t practiced enough over the past, oh, entire summer. It feels like the end of the semester, when I know that no amount of cramming will make me pass the final exam. But I know that when I get out there, in front of whatever crowd there may be, under the lights (if they have them on yet), I’ll be excited and happy to perform and I’ll feed off the energy of my corpsmates and the audience.

*checks Google maps for drive time*

Um.

OMFG.

Since I’m not taking time off of work tomorrow for a travel day, and my ride is swinging past Toledo around 6pm, we’re not going to get to Scranton until TWO O’CLOCK AM. *facepalm*

I have made a bad decision. Shoulda just taken my last remaining half-day of personal time, I guess. Ah, well. As I recall, the guy I’m rooming with for the weekend isn’t leaving until after work, too, so he’ll probably be getting there around the same time. So, the plus side is that I won’t wake his ass up. The minus side? I’ll only get maybe four or five hours of sleep before breakfast and rehearsal.

Damn, damn, damn. What a double-edged sword this senior corps thing can be.

When I aged out of Junior corps, I would have given anything to be able to keep marching. Now that I’ve found a way, I find that I’m not entirely sold on it anymore. It would be different, maybe, if Aaron were into it too, and came with me. As it is, on drum corps weekends, I have to choose the corps or my husband.

I don’t know how much longer I can force myself to have to make that choice.

One more year, maybe.

*sigh*