dianaschnuth

1. I am, in fact, currently depressed. This is for a number of reasons, both biological and circumstantial. Yes, I am PMS-ing, but I am also surrounded by people at my work who either a.) have interviews lined up, or b.) have definite jobs lined up. This is a big part of my depression, being that my ego thinks I’m so much more worthy than many of these people. (James: not you, necessarily, although I do admit to a touch of jealousy at your pimp-ass DBA gig.)

   Yes, I know that the solution is to apply for more jobs, and to eventually secure one. This brings me to:

2. I have now officially applied for seven jobs. Of these, I have received one “hire” (just got the check for last month’s task of worthiness today) for undervalued part-time website coding; one request for an interview that never got to the scheduling stage for some reason (on their part); and one polite and standard e-mail confirmation. I have no room to bitch until I reach at least one dozen apps out, and until I’ve followed up with every blessed one of them at least once. I haven’t applied for anything I haven’t gone all googley-eyed for when I read it, since I don’t want to settle on another sucky job. Yet.
3. My computer now has 2GB of RAM. This makes me somewhat happier. You want systems experience, do ya? I installed my new RAM in probably three minutes, and that was including the minute that I stared stupidly at the RAM before I remembered that there’s only one way it’ll fit in the slot. That was $130 well spent.

Addendum to #1: One person at my work chose: option c.) quitting work entirely to be with her newborn son. She’s one of those who is very open with her feelings, and has shared with everyone her incredulity at the amount of love she has for her son. Being that she sits one cube over from me, the sound of her joy is rarely out of my range of hearing. This, of course, makes me sad. (If you don’t know why, you missed this post in January.) I think this has a big part to play in my current depression, whether consciously or subconsciously.

All I know is that I’m getting seriously pissed at being so depressed. My depression always manifests in overeating and not giving a shit (about overeating and about Life In General). Therefore, even being pissed about being depressed is only mildly helpful, until the anger and frustration outweighs the depression. In any case, I wouldn’t want to be around me right now.

Friday: Day off of work. Slept in. Opened National City bank accounts. Went to Pietasters show in Cleveland. Good openers, rowdy audience, great showing by the band. Awesome show. Bought a $10 shirt. Got a $10 parking ticket for a meter that ran out just 20 minutes before we got out of the show. We paid the damn thing $1.75 for the four hours it gave us, and I’m pretty sure it shorted us some time. At least it was only ten bucks, though, even if the cop had to have been sitting there and waiting for the meter to run out.

Saturday: Afternoon in BG. Madhatter is closing July 14th; it’s the end of an era. Cosmo’s coffee shop (where Aaron and I had our first date) is closed, too, among other former BG staples. Outskirts of town are booming, though. Had ice cream at the Marble Slab Creamery downtown. Party at James’s house in the evening. Food and adult beverages and music and fireworks out in the country. Good times.

Sunday: Took a closet full of stuff to the thrift. Played Wii. Ordered an ice cream maker online. Made fettuccine alfredo for dinner. Normal laundry and shopping bit. Chilled-out sort of day.

Today: James’s last day at Sky before going to his new job at BGSU. Spent the afternoon manning the front desk, and so managed to miss most of his desk-cleaning spree. Skipped aikido in favor of job-hunting this evening. Got sidetracked by an alert about some LSM forum spam that desperately needed taking care of. Ended up not being able to submit one specific job app yet because I need full reference info.

And that’s the weekend in a nutshell.

When I get a new job, maybe I can do like James and fabricate myself a week vacation between gigs. I shouldn’t feel like I need another vacation… but I do.

So, for the past few days, I’ve been trying to get myself onto a decent evening schedule. Turn off the computer around 9:30pm, make tomorrow’s lunch, pick out tomorrow’s clothes, read for a while, and have lights out by 11pm. It’s worked pretty well, and I’ve been waking up more refreshed (if not always on time, as per usual).

Tonight, I’d like to stay up later, since I’m taking the day off work tomorrow. (We’re going to a Pietasters show in Cleveland tomorrow evening, and there’s NO WAY I’d be able to stay up for a late show if I went to work.) I spent my evening playing Wii — oh, by the way, Aaron bought a Wii this week! — and just realized that I missed my favorite TV show again. D’oh! At any rate, I thought that I could stay up a little later, do some websurfing (or something more productive), or maybe play some computer games now that I’m done with Wii Sports… but no. My brain is all, “OK, time to start shutting down for the night!”

Dammit. Why must you be catching onto this schedule thing so well?