weight loss

Body For Life, Week #4: I’m Out.

Body recomposition is a noble goal.

However, it is no longer a goal of mine. Not a primary goal, anyway.

Matter of fact, I think I’m going to take a breather from attempting active weight loss for a while. I’ll still “eat right,” which is to say that I’ll be eating four or five meals a day, each with an element of protein and healthy carbohydrate, and I’ll avoid sugars and other undesirable carbs, and I’ll drink between 8 to 10 glasses of water per day. I just won’t be following a specific regimen for the time being.

As far as exercise goes, I’m going to wait until I figure out my aikido schedule before I start working out at home again. Aikido seems to be a great lower body workout, and a decent cardio workout, as well (for now). First, I need to determine how sore I’ll be for how long after each class, and whether I can manage both Mondays and Wednesdays or whether I’ll have to choose one or the other, then I’ll plan out some upper body and NordicTrack training schedules at home.

I think my weight is fluctuating due to my swollen muscles, possibly. I think that’s how it works, anyway. At any rate, the morning after the first day I went to aikido, my weight had been down almost to the pre-Japan-trip mark. Granted, I lost my lunch during class, and didn’t eat dinner after, so that could have something to do with it. The following day, I jumped up by a staggering five pounds in one day, back up about the 200-mark. Then, the next day, I gained another two pounds. I’ve been steadily losing again since, but it’s mighty frustrating to be eating right and exercising and not seeing the results I’d like, as fast as I’d like.

So, I need some time to regroup. I have some other things to focus on, and BFL is just going to have to wait. For now, my exercise regimen is aikido, my other main focus is job-hunting, and I deal with other issues as they arise.

(Like tonight’s issue of the Googlebot using up all of the LSM site’s remaining bandwidth for the month in one fell swoop. Thanks, Google. *sigh*)

Time to turn off the computer and start winding down for the night. I’m going to crash good tonight.

ruminations

Bootstraps

I was stupidly depressed all day at work. Hadn’t gotten enough sleep, ended up showing up to work late, my cubemate was out at his new job orientation, and I had a crapload of tedious work to do.

At least my legs finally stopped being sore.

When I got home, Aaron set me right. First, he did his typical Make-Diana-Happy move of being a goofball and tickling me until I’m genuinely laughing. Which is cool. Then he asked me if I’m going to quit aikido, and I told him no. I’m planning to stick it out until the end of July, when the Basics Seminar is being held, then make my decision. He pointed out that all I did all damn weekend was talk about aikido, which means that I really enjoyed it. He also pointed out that this is different than anything I’ve ever done before, including drum corps, and I can’t expect to go into it and already be good at it. That would be absurd. I agreed.

After our aikido discussion, he reinforced the fact that I need to focus on just one project or goal each evening. Just one. If I’m going to clean my desk, clean my desk. Don’t start doing something else, *then* clean my desk, and don’t make a list of twelve things and then get upset when they don’t all get done. Set attainable goals, and attain them.

I really appreciated that. It was exactly the kind of talking-to that I needed.

Per the schedule I made for myself, my computer’s getting turned off in about fifteen ten minutes. Then I’ll wash the dishes, make my lunch (with plenty of carbs and protein to prepare for my aikido class), pack my gym bag, and get ready for bed. Lights out at 11pm, even if I’m not sleepy. Maybe setting myself a nighttime schedule will help me get myself on track.

Oh, by the way? I spent a good hour or more cleaning my desk while I listened to iTunes. It’s not completely clean yet, but it’s well on its way. Tomorrow is aikido, followed by (assuming I’m feeling up to it afterward) printing resumes and determining which potential employers I need to follow up with.

Man. Sometimes these days-long stretches of depression freak me out. They don’t happen very often, and it gets really hard to pull myself up and out.

I’m glad I had help.

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Goodbye, Saddlemire

Courtesy of the BG News: University says farewell to Saddlemire

This was the building where I bought my books every semester. This was the building where I sold those same books back every semester. This was the building that was supposedly shaped like a slide projector.

Apparently, the Saddlemire Student Services Building is being demolished, in preparation for an addition to the theater department. I’ll grant the theater department that they could use some more space, that’s for sure. An additional 500-seat theater, among other facilities, will definitely be a welcome addition to campus.

Still, though… it’s weird, watching my university change over time. Granted, it’s all for the better, but it’s still unsettling.

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Self-Diagnosis

I think I’ve figured out why I’ve been feeling all funky lately. It’s not that I really think I’m a “fuck-up,” per se. It’s just that I know that I’m not living up to my own potential, as cheesy as that sounds.

Anyone who really knows me knows that I always, always have unfinished projects. Even if I were to quit my job and work on my unfinished projects and ideas for projects like it was my job, I would still have things to keep me busy probably until my mid-life crisis, at least. I also have what the Chinese call “monkey-mind” — that is, my attention span isn’t what I’d like it to be. Sure, once I get into a given project, I can work on it for hours and stay up way too late. That’s no problem. The problem is getting started and sticking with something, either on the short-term or the long-term.

For instance: I know I need to finish my portfolio and send out some follow-up letters to potential employers. But when I sit down at my desk, I hate the fact that it’s a paper-stacked disaster area, and I don’t feel like I can properly concentrate, much less find the papers I need. So I tell myself that I need to clean it before I do job-hunting work. But I either start cleaning it and get discouraged at the amount of work it’ll take to do it right, or I never even start because I keep putting it off by doing other things I find that “need” to be done and are more enjoyable.

This is all bullshit. Piddly bullshit. When I’m in the middle of it, I don’t realize what a lamer I’m being. After the fact, when it’s late at night or when I’m at work, I feel like a lazy idiot.

And what do I do when I’m in the middle of needing to do all this important crap? I pay to join an Aikido dojo. Ostensibly, it should help me focus my energies better and deal with issues with my comfort zone and my insecurity in new situations and blah blah blah. In reality, I’m afraid that’ll be several hours a week when I’m not doing what I “should” be doing, and then I’ll end up obsessing over my incompetency in Aikido on the off-days. Now I’m trying to justify not being a quitter, sticking with it for at least until next month’s Basic Seminar, when I feel deep down like I really shouldn’t have joined up in the first place. This is why I try not to be spontaneous about things like this.

I feel like all I can do is plan out my evenings in detailed fashion, and do my best to follow my plan, no matter what I’d rather be doing. I feel good about myself when I accomplish the one or two things I wanted to do in an evening. For instance, this evening I’m planning to feed the cat, start dinner, work out (upper body — my thighs are still stiff from aikido), eat dinner while I watch Good Eats on Food Network, spend 30 minutes checking email and blogs, then clean the top of my desk and get it sorted into hanging folders. If, after that, I have some time left over before I need to wash dishes and make tomorrow’s lunch, I’m sure I’ll find something to take care of, like watering my poor neglected houseplants.

I also hate the fact that I make such a big deal out of how to solve my weird, silly non-issues. I want to be like Aaron, whose ultra-basic philosophy involves a.) sit down at your desk and b.) do what needs to be done. End of story. What’s the big issue?

Hell if I know.

aikido

Aikido: Quick Follow-Up

My shoulder and hip soreness passed quickly. The muscular soreness manifested itself later, and with a vengeance. My quads are still stiff and painful, and my glutes and hamstrings are noticeably sore.

If I still feel like this tomorrow, I’m not going to Aikido class. Instead, I’ll hold off until Wednesday’s one-hour session. Aaron pointed out earlier today that, if I don’t go, I’m losing money. Considering that I paid the normal amount for two months, plus got my dogi and free enrollment in any workshops during the two-month period, I’m figuring that I’m still getting a deal, even if I don’t go at least twice a week.

I have trouble sticking with physical things that require a learning curve, it seems. I don’t like to look like a big dork, and I don’t like to be ignorant, even though I know that this is how everyone starts — even Sensei probably felt at one point like I do now.

I’m going to continue to attend at least one class a week (preferably two) until next month’s Basics Seminar. If I don’t feel like I’m “in the groove” by then… well, that’s quite a ways off yet. We’ll see.