Aikido Recap

Fun, yes. Easy, no. But definitely a good learning experience — in many ways.

Thankfully, Sensei started out the two-hour class with a rolling drill. Basically, he taught the basic technique for a forward roll, then a backward roll. Although I only worked on the forward roll myself, I was infinitely grateful to learn the proper technique so soon… and suspicious that the drill was for my benefit, and possibly for Brittney, the other new aikidoka. (I’d watched her in yesterday’s class — turns out she’s only in her second week of classes, so I feel a little better about being new.)

We moved into some throws after that, and my rolling technique went out the window for a while. I managed to get it back, though, to a degree, after Sensei pointed out that I was using my shoulder and elbow to break my fall, instead of rolling into it.

After the first set of throws, almost an hour into class, we went back to falls — sideways and backwards. I knew then that I was in trouble: the mat started to waver beneath my feet, and the room seemed vaguely unsteady. I ignored the discomfort and pressed on, although I knew exactly what my problem was.

I hadn’t eaten before class. And my dogi was getting very, very warm.

Truth be told, I hadn’t eaten well all day. I had a meal replacement bar for breakfast; Diet Mountain Dew as a morning “snack”; an Ostrim and three strawberries for lunch; and another Diet Mountain Dew, another meal replacement bar, and some cookies (an unexpected gift from my supervisor) for my afternoon snack. My original plan had been to order lunch out, since I hadn’t made the time this morning or the night before to make a proper lunch. Due to some snafus at work, though, I ended up scrapping the idea and just eating the snacks I’d brought. Also, I skipped dinner completely, since I had just about long enough to gather my things and head out to the dojo after Aaron left for work. This made for a poorly nourished Diana, especially one attending her first Aikido class — and a two-hour one at that, which was described by more than one person as being a bold move for my first class.

As I said, though, I pressed on, into the next set of throws. About ten minutes later, I excused myself from my partner and from the mat entirely.

Never before have I exerted myself to the point of vomiting. Not even in drum corps. It’s not something I’d care to repeat. I was glad that the gentleman yesterday had shown me where the restrooms were; I knew right where to beeline when I felt the unwelcome urgency overcome me as I left the mat.

I explained to Sensei upon my return that I hadn’t eaten, and that I was feeling unwell. He said I was welcome to take a seat at the back of the mat, and rejoin whenever I could; he said I could “make watching practice.” That was fine with me; I’d reached my breaking point for the evening. I did watch intently, but every time I gave thought to rejoining the foray, my stomach would start doing cartwheels again, and I’d quickly change my mind.

Sensei finally gestured me to rejoin for the cool-down exercises and the post-class announcements session, wherein I introduced myself to the group. Everyone was very understanding and welcoming, and seemed genuinely glad to have me in the class (even though I was a total neophyte, often needing to be reminded how the throws were done).

As we finished sweeping the mat (a tradition after each class, apparently), one of the other women in the class, Amy, suggested that we go get some Gatorade at the gas station down the street. (Can’t have me being all dehydrated and unwell and trying to drive home, after all.) After we changed back into our street clothes, that’s exactly what we did; she drove us both down to the Shell station and graciously bought Gatorades for both of us. That was an unexpected and very kind gesture, and one that I appreciated.

I did make it home OK, although I only barely sipped on my Gatorade. When I got home, I promptly beelined for the new recliner and crashed out for an entire hour. I was nauseous; I was sore; I was tired; and any movement at all reminded me of all three. Woke up to watch my favorite show on HGTV at 9pm, and continued sipping on my Gatorade. Flipped to a program on the History Channel after that, and continued sipping on my Gatorade. Never did eat dinner; I didn’t think I could keep it down. And my 32oz Gatorade is still half full as I write this.

Right now, I know that most of my soreness does indeed come from my incorrect technique. I’m not rolling properly, not rounded enough, so my shoulders and hips are sore from hitting the mat. I also discovered that I was dragging the knuckles of my left hand along the mat during some of the rolling drills, so those are rubbed raw. I also have a good deal of straight-up muscle soreness, though: arms, shoulders, back, thighs, glutes, basically any muscles involved in laying down or kneeling down or standing up.

Besides learning how to roll and fall, and how to tie my belt, I learned a few other things about myself today. I learned that I should stick with the one-hour classes for now, even if it means driving to the dojo straight from work, instead of stopping at home to see Aaron. I learned that proper nutrition is vital to getting the most out of my practice, so I need to eat a substantial afternoon snack before aikido. I learned that I do indeed have a physical breaking point, and I learned how it manifests itself.

If this had been a trial class prior to signing up, I might have been turned off and decided against it. As it is, though, I’m going to attend the one-hour classes next week and see if those treat me any better. The other two ladies seemed to think that coming to a two-hour class on my first day was definitely a bold move, so maybe that should be a hint for the immediate future.

Three hours after class, and I’m still not feeling normal yet. I’m going to crash hard in a matter of minutes.

Body For Life, Week #3

Official weight: 199 pounds. Up half a pound from last week. (Today’s unofficial weight was 200.)

I took my body fat reading this morning, too, just because I was curious and didn’t want to wait another week. It started at 31.8%, and kept dropping each successive reading, until by the fourth reading it said 31.2%. I figure I’m below 32%, at least, maybe closer to 31.5%. I seem to be losing body fat, at any rate, which is good.

I’ve been slacking on the diet still, not as diligent about sticking to the Approved Foods List as I was, and that’s obvious from my results. I’ve been slacking a little on the workouts, too, but that’s mainly been since Monday. With my new workout possibility of Aikido, I’ll probably end up making myself a new schedule of exercise that doesn’t conform exactly to the BFL guidelines. (I’m probably not going to be too keen on doing a two hour Aikido practice, then coming straight home and doing 45 minutes of strength training, then promptly going to bed.)

My attitude this week has been pretty overwhelmingly defeatist. I had a super depressed stretch there, and I’ve been really irritable lately, and I’m not sure where this is all stemming from. Maybe it’s The Pill; maybe it’s stress that I’m ignoring; maybe it’s a combination of things. All I know is that I’m tired of being irritable and defensive toward Aaron all the time. Maybe getting back on the wagon will help level out my moods.

I was almost ready to quit the BFL program this weekend until I got my official entry kit in the mail, complete with postcard to send in to confirm my participation in the program. I filled it out and sent it in, kind of half-heartedly. I don’t want to be a quitter, but I do want to see some results. Here’s hoping that next week’s progress photos will provide the results I’m seeking…

Slightly Spontaneous

I just joined an Aikido dojo. Paid the two-month introductory fee, got my size-five gi, and now I’m primed and ready to be thrown around like a ragdoll.

I happened upon the dojo’s website this week; there was an adult class scheduled for 5:45pm today, so I decided I should go check it out. Before that, though, I did a little research online, read up, watched some videos, and was duly impressed by the art in general. I filled out the dojo’s online form last night, then showed up this evening at about the time that class was supposed to start.

I knew where the dojo was, no problem; Aaron and I drive past it just about every weekend. I showed up, removed my shoes where everyone else obviously had (before the quasi-tatami carpeted floor began), and was beckoned in by the sensei. I was shown where the restrooms and changing rooms were, told a little about the art, and invited to sit down and watch class.

The one-hour class focused on one particular throw, and various aspects of how to do it properly. Had I just known the proper way to fall and roll, I felt that I could have done both parts of the throw, thrower and throwee, by the end of the class. Tai Chi and Aikido have distinct similarities in movement and intention, and I could relate to that, having learned two separate forms of Tai Chi in college. My physical fear, the fear of having the living shit beaten out of me, was assuaged when I realized that all the loud noises were purposeful *slaps* on the mat by the person being thrown. I got the impression that it was a signal of sorts: the move is over, we’ve both completed our parts properly, now let me up. The higher-ranked people tended to be more “fun” and flamboyant with their rolls and smacking of the mat; the lower-ranked (or unranked) tended to fall with more temerity, and gently tap the mat when they’d rolled through and had enough.

The entire time I watched, I was enraptured. All I could think was, “I want to play, too!” In retrospect, I probably should have waited to fill out the paperwork until I’d actually participated in a class… but Sensei does have a policy on his website that guarantees your money back if you aren’t satisfied in the first month, or if you think that this dojo just isn’t for you. My last real fear, of sparring, was quelled by Sensei after the class, when he told me that they *never* spar. It’s all exercises like the one I’d seen: planned out, agreed-upon by both parties. So, I think I’m safe to try this thing out.

What’s bizarre to me is that, now, I just show up to a class and jump in. The next Basics seminar (which is included in my first two-month fee) isn’t until July 28th. By then, I sure hope I’ve been taught how to roll properly and all that jazz. Otherwise, I’ll be in a world of hurt.

This will be good for me, for many reasons:

  1. I need a social outlet besides work.
  2. I need a reason to exercise, and a way to make it fun.
  3. I need to get outside of my comfort zone more often.
  4. I need the mental balance and focus that a martial art can provide.
  5. I need to balance my ego/self-centeredness with my humility/self-deprecation.

I didn’t realize until I spoke with Sensei after class how egocentric I can be. All I wanted to do was tell him my background, what I know already, why I want to be in his dojo, how much I love Japanese culture, etc. All he wanted to do was get me signed up, give me my dogi, and thank me for joining the dojo. When I gave him my credit card to run, I told him that was the credit card that funded my trip to Japan last month. When he lit up and said, “Really,” was my response about how awesome the culture is, or how great of a time I had? No — it was an admission that I’m a bit of a Japan geek. He responded that Aikido was definitely in that same vein; but it was obvious to me that, by turning the topic toward myself and away from our shared love of things Japanese, I had failed to engage his interest.

Now, after having signed my name to the dojo list and paid by credit card, I’m feeling that “oh shit what have I done” feeling… but I know that’s just the feeling of my comfort zone being stretched a little. I’m a little boggled that I can just show up and start learning — no primer, no Aikido 101? I’m trying to decide whether I want to start with tomorrow’s class and just jump right in, or whether I want to wait until next Monday (or Saturday morning, if I get up early enough). I’ll probably just go tomorrow, to jump right in and start learning. Maybe I can show up early and get a quickie on how to roll properly, so I don’t kill myself.

By the way… the first thing I did when I got home? Tried on my dogi. I felt like the friggin’ Karate Kid, trying to figure out how the damn thing went on. It feels a little big on me, but it’s possible that the next size down would be too small; I don’t know how the sizes run, and Sensei obviously has more experience in these things than I do.

We’ll see how this works out. I’m excited, and nervous, and stoked.

Astronomy Geekgasm (or, Ursa Major Space Station)

I just watched the International Space Station and the Space Shuttle Atlantis fly over. That was SO COOL.

Earlier this week (or maybe it was this past weekend), Aaron had mentioned that our friend Kris took his three-year-old son, Sam, outside and showed him the ISS flyover. After that, from what I understand, Sam not only wanted to see it fly over ALL THE TIME, but every passing car and truck became a space shuttle.

I can dig it.

Earlier this evening, I got a SpaceWeather.com e-mail stating that the Atlantis had left the ISS and would be traveling behind it for the next visible orbit. Hmm, I thought. I should go out and look at that. So, I punched up the Heavens Above website and discovered that the flyover time for Toledo would be around 10:32pm. The ISS would come up in the northwest, pass through the Big Dipper, then arc overhead to set somewhere on the southeastern horizon.

I went outside a few minutes early, to get my eyes dark-adapted — but I got eaten by bugs and startled by neighbors, so I went back inside to wait out the last few minutes. With one minute to go, I stepped outside and sat on the front step, focusing my sight on Ursa Major.

And then, holy shit! There it was! No, there THEY were. One giant, fat, bright star, being chased by an only slightly dimmer star. They came up through the trees and passed through the Big Dipper, as promised. I felt like, if only my glasses were a little stronger, I could have seen those fancy new solar panels on the station. I was so excited, I not only gaped at the sky like a slack-jawed, grinning idiot, but I ran across the driveway in my bare feet to follow them to the other side of the house, so I could watch the ISS and Atlantis orbit over to the other horizon. As the pair set, they got dimmer and dimmer until, several degrees above the horizon, they both disappeared from sight. As they did, though, I saw another satellite crossing their path — I’m not sure which one it was, but it may have been Cosmos 1455 or TRMM.

That trumped the hell out of Halley’s Comet. (I lied to my Girl Scout leader about being able to see the comet back in 1986, just so they would let me pass the binoculars to someone else already.)

I could easily make this a ritual and watch the ISS flyby every night before bed, chamomile tea in hand. Good night, astronauts… 🙂

By the way… are there any other Trekkers (or Trekkies) out there who have trouble calling the International Space Station the ISS, in light of the mirror-universe ISS Enterprise?

Waiting For The Cloud To Pass

I don’t deal well with depression anymore. Now that I feel like I’m pretty “normal” most of the time — as opposed to ten or twelve years ago, when feeling pointless and uninspired was the norm for me — now that I’m usually OK, I don’t revel in this nastiness. I’d rather it be over.

But it’s just not that easy.

I feel like a very small person, mentally, when I can’t take constructive criticism; when I can’t gracefully accept someone else’s successes; when I can’t don’t keep bargains I’ve made with myself; when I’m reminded that I’m still kind of a fuck-up sometimes, despite being a 31-year-old “grown-up,” and that I already knew that I was a fuck-up, and that I just never fixed the problem. I hate getting down on myself for shit, instead of just fixing the shit and moving on.

Maybe I do still revel in this BS. If I didn’t, I’d just fucking pick myself up, shake myself off, and move on. Right?

*sigh*

I’m too tired to think about this shit right now. I need to chill out and go to bed. After I figure out what’s for lunch tomorrow.