Whether you subscribe to Earth-Air-Fire-Water or Wood-Fire-Earth-Metal-Water, my Zen altar has it covered.
Granted, it doesn’t get as much actual zazen (sitting meditation) love as it should, and it serves more as sunroom decor than a functioning altar lately, but either way, it makes me happy.
I’ve been eagerly anticipating today’s med check with my doctor for weeks. He put me on Prozac over a year ago, and on Wellbutrin about a year and a half. The meds have been treating me well… up until recently.
For the past few months, things have been going slowly downhill. I’ve gained ten pounds, and my mood has become more volatile in a chicken-and-egg sort of dance. I’m down because I don’t fit into my clothes and I’m jiggly. I either wish I didn’t have to bother eating, or I can’t stop. I get tension headaches. I get irritable easily, to the point of sudden rage. I can’t focus at work. I haven’t been taking enjoyment in my hobbies. I get down on myself. I notice all my flaws, physical and otherwise. They taunt me.
My knees hurt, so I skip my workouts. I go outside for a restorative walk over lunch, only to find it gray and cold and windy.
Doc told me today that he thinks I’m not reacting well to the Wellbutrin, and told me to gradually taper off of it over the next month. At the same time, he’s having me double my dose of Prozac from what I had been taking, which was the minimum dosage available.
He also confirmed what I had suspected for some time now: I have inattentive-type ADHD. This quote from the Cleveland Clinic (emphasis mine) sums things up quite well:
Executive functions of the brain–such as verbal and nonverbal working memory, self-regulation and motivation, and planning–are thought to be impaired in adults with AD/HD. Adults who have AD/HD without hyperactivity can experience difficulties with maintaining attention and focus, using working memory and recall, and regulating emotions. Organizing and prioritizing tasks can be challenging.
As the kids said back in 2015… it me.
Our hope is that eliminating the Wellbutrin and increasing the Prozac will help resolve the emotional volatility and mitigate some of the ADHD symptoms, as well as the depression. If not, though, we’ll experiment with what he calls “real” stimulants.
I should also get myself to talk therapy. I go with Connor to some Behavioral Therapy to help him identify and regulate his emotions, and I honestly get something out of his appointments, too, even though I’m really just there as his handler / moral support / responsible adult. It’s taking that first step and reaching out that’s the hardest.
Aaron always says he can tell when something’s really bothering me because he reads it on my blog. He also told me a couple weeks back that I should act sooner if this mood dip happens again.
Agreed, 100 percent.
I bought two specimens of Peggy Sue from White Flower Farms and planted them in the front garden last fall. One is currently in bloom; I’m still waiting for the second.
Not much is currently in bloom in the front garden yet, but the general color scheme is white, pink, and blue, so I thought Peggy Sue would be the perfect addition. She’ll have a pink Heritage rose and some white double peonies behind her in a week or so, which should make a nice vignette.
Peggy Sue is also a reblooming iris, so I’m looking forward to additional blooms come August or September. By then, she’ll be joined by some milkweed, hardy geraniums, Nikko Blue hydrangeas, and Heritage will still be in bloom.
Seriously considering making irises my “thing.”
The place where the red truck is parked is not a legitimate parking spot. The spot right next to where the truck is parked is my usual parking spot, although it’s not my reserved spot or anything. I was sorely tempted to squeeze my car into that spot this morning, but I decided not to lower myself to his level.
Today’s Google search: remove crayon stains from clothes dryer