I just backed into my closed garage door on my way to drive my son to school. I know I should be forgiving with myself, but I feel like such an idiot right now. #ADHD
Category Archives: mental health
Wellness Wheel
I saw a therapist for the first time in my life this week — not because anything in particular is weighing on my mind, or anything tragic has happened, but just because my primary care physician (and the mental health community in general) assert that antidepressants work best in tandem with talk therapy.
After a few years of stalling, I finally did it. Even so, my opening argument of sorts was, “I feel like I shouldn’t be here.”
The first session was, as expected, a getting-to-know-you session, with a combination of brain-dump from me and required questions from her (e.g. “Are you in any legal trouble?”). As it happens, we found enough in common (including our love of Studio Ghibli and our dark senses of humor) that it wasn’t nearly as awkward as I expected. The outcome of our first one-hour session was a realization that journaling/blogging is an important factor in my mental health, and that I need to get back into the habit of getting my thoughts and feelings out of my head so I can recognize them and acknowledge them.
She also gave me some homework: a “Wellness Wheel” to fill out. I’m supposed to rank my satisfaction with each of eight areas of my life from 1 to 10. The instructions specifically say, “Go with your gut on this one,” so instead of first analyzing each one carefully with positives and negatives like I normally would, I’m just going to throw some numbers out there.
Me being who I am, though, I will present the results using an Excel graph instead of coloring in the worksheet she gave me.
| Category | Description | My Rating |
|---|---|---|
| Physical Health | Eating well, exercising, quality sleep | 8 |
| Mental Health | Healthy mindset and emotions | 7 |
| Relationships | Feeling connected to others | 4 |
| Finances | Budgeting, saving money | 9 |
| Career | Satisfaction with work | 9 |
| Spirituality | Personal growth, seeking understanding | 7 |
| Home | Safe and comfortable living space | 7 |
Now for some details.
Continue readingStatus: Burned Out
A free online version of the Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI) rated me at serious risk of impending job burnout. I can’t say that surprises me.
A Long-Overdue Brain Dump
It happens on the regular: I put off writing about what I need to write about because I have other topics I “should” be posting, like the monthly cataloging of the blooms in my garden, or the annual missive to my son on (or around) his birthday.
Screw that. I keep this blog around for me. It’s no longer the angsty ramblings of a twenty-something who’s trying to keep in touch with all of her friends at once. This is the public journal of a middle-aged working mother. Basically, it’s a lot easier to find references to life events after the fact using an indexed database of words than it is to rifle through a handwritten journal.
The thing is, though, that there haven’t really been very many life events to record this year, with the global pandemic and all. No tropical vacation, no visiting friends and relatives in other cities, no local bands and food trucks downtown, not even any photo walks along the river.
I guess that’s one reason why I haven’t been sitting down and pouring out the contents of my brain lately: there hasn’t been anything that I especially wanted to record for posterity, or to share with others by crossposting to Facebook. I sew stuff, I grow stuff, I work, I pretend to be a badass martial artist, but it all feels like Groundhog Day.
And now autumn is settling in.
The fall foliage is beautiful, and I’m definitely a big fan of hoodie weather… but I’m solar-powered. It must be the string of chilly, overcast days that are getting to me.
Or maybe it’s the sameness of every day working from home and supervising my son’s remote learning. Maybe it’s our geriatric cat pissing on the carpet by my sewing machine, instead of her litter box, making one of my primary hobbies difficult if not impossible for the time being. Maybe it’s that jowly, puffy, saggy, tired, worn-down face staring at me from the bathroom mirror every morning. Maybe it’s my Krav Maga class getting pushed later and later in the evening, so that I leave for class about the time I’d normally be starting my son’s bedtime routine, meaning that a) I feel like I can only go once a week for his sake; and b) when I do go, I’m already tired and not at my best by the time class begins.
Maybe my brain meds need adjusted. Maybe I need more than just brain meds. Maybe I need to get off the brain meds.
Maybe everybody in the world is having a hard time right now, or maybe it’s just me.
Status: Meh.
It’s been one of those days that reminds me of what every day felt like before brain meds.